Functional programming continues to grow in popularity — but in many cases, the languages we’re using for our functional programming are quite old. As such, they often use a combination of ideas from different backgrounds, traditions, and older languages. In this talk, John A De Goes describes the problems that he sees with current functional languages, and what he would want to see in newer ones. Even if you’re not interested in functional programming, this wish list and consideration of what should (and shouldn’t) be in modern programming languages is both interesting and a great deal of fun.